i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
