I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
