Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
