I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
