My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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