I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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