carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
