i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
