When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
