I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
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We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
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You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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