Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
