Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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