I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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