you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
