now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
