I CAN MOONWALK!
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
