Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Houston, we have a blender
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
