LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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