My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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