I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You can't special order awesome
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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