Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
