I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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