Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
