shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
i think i just lost a toe
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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