No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
