When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
