What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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