Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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