he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
