Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
