There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
