This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
