We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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