apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
