I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
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full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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