At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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