i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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