i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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