Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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