I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
