At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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