when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
