It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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