My sheets look like a crime scene.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
