the condom got lost in my hair
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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