Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
