Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Duck Duck Cougar?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Randomize
