Four minutes until I can fart!
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
