He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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