walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
