You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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