i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
