I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
