I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Randomize
