What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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