I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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