That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
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i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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