and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
