I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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