its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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