i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
