I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
