we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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