I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
