Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
