i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
