yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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