I could have mohawked her pubes.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
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you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
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The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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