dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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