Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
