i jhust puked up my retainher.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
