I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Randomize
