3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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