I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
