Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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