just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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