maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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