she takes plan B like it's going out of style
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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