Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
No subtext here. People are naked.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
