he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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