Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
