Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Blood and glitter go together right?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
This baby is an asshole
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
