y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
