i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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