If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
