i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
