Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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