Say something about gay babies.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
